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Letting go

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Hello All!

I'd like to start by wishing everyone a very happy new year and being so grateful to this website for helping me for the past year.
Unfortunately, for now, I have created this account solely for some advice regarding my Indian Ringneck which is quite urgent.
I'd like to start by giving out a few details about myself. I'm hailing from Mumbai and I'm currently 16 years of age, almost finishing my high school education. So, on the early evening of January 21st, 2016, a wild Indian Ringneck flew into our balcony. On hearing all the weird noises he was making, my mom had gone to check and was, of course, astounded to see a parrot swinging on our clothesline. We immediately and very cautiously ushered him into our house, thinking he required some food, and once again, we were quite surprised to find that he came in quite willingly. He had spent the entire afternoon on our dinner table eating grapes, green chilies and whatever we gave him, making no proper attempt to escape (we were so surprised by his boldness, that we ourselves got scared). Night was rolling around and he started flying around the entire house, and to my mom's annoyance, he had left droppings all over the sofa and table (I still have fond memories of this because I go through these pictures quite often.) We had decided that we wanted to keep him. I'd gone to school and returned, knowing that Bittu (what I named him, because that's literally what he says all the time) would probably have escaped and was gone by now, since most of the other birds I'd rescued had eaten all they could and left when they felt like, leaving me heartbroken each time. Then my mom informed me that Bittu had taken residence in our bathroom until we got him a proper cage. That bathroom was the size of a small walk-in closet so it was perfect. There, I forged a bond with him after feeding him every single day after I got home from school. Eventually, he let me pet him and whenever I would, he would speak and sing and whistle. The day I put him in a cage, I cried for the first time (tearing up now too). I kept up with my routine of petting him under the sliding doors of the cage and on weekends and holidays, I would clean his cage, while on the other days my mom would do it. Bittu became more and more warmer towards us, even though he occasionally bit us out of excitement. He doesn't bite us anymore. Slowly, he incorporated himself into our lives like the way vines grow around trees. We would let him out in the balcony where he'd watch the other birds and make his usual noises and swinging on his swing. On one occasion, he had escaped his cage my mistake, when we had left him to sleep in our bedroom. I felt my heart come to a thundering stop when my mom exclaimed about the missing bird. Suddenly, I found him sitting on our indoor clothesline, looking more distraught than ever. The balcony door had been open all this time, however he hadn't made his escape. As soon as he saw me, he started asking (in his bird talk) where we were and I immediately pet him to comfort him. Also, I'd like to add that, many of the things which he says are not taught by us, such as the 'where were you?' phrase. We recognized it when he had said it. My mom speculated that he might've been owned by somebody before. So after this, he didn't bother trying to be too curious about his cage. But somehow, as each day drew by, somewhere my mom felt like he belonged in the sky. When my dad (he was always unsupportive of me keeping the wild bird, knowing I was extremely emotional. Fortunately, the relationship between Bittu and I grew stronger and he would let me rub under his wings and kiss his forehead and would even call for me! So as expected, every time my parents would bring up any matter akin to freeing him, I would promptly dismiss it, getting extremely uncomfortable. Basically, I was in love with this bird and treated him like my own son (even my parents acknowledged it). Slowly, 1 year passed however I couldn't properly celebrate because I had to return to my hometown due to my grandfather's passing. We had kept him with very loving neighbors, who after my return said that apparently, he loved cheese and dosa (we don't frequently eat those things). Nonetheless, he spoke and sang so so much and demanded to be pet, after seeing us after a week, like he had dearly missed us. A few months before this trip we had relocated within Mumbai. On the month of May, we had taken him out of his cage for a long time, keeping our doors locked and he came out quite reluctant and confused. But then he completely ignored us and started flying around erratically, and crashing into objects. Worried, we immediately found a way to return him to the cage.Then, a few months passed.
My parents were bringing up the 'free-him' matter more often and I'd completely turned a deaf ear on them. Subsequently, he added that whenever I'd leave the house, I'd worry too much about him and wouldn't be able to enjoy myself and they couldn't travel anymore because of this constant worrying. I was going into my 11th year, and studies were becoming harder and all I did was stay with him. Unfortunately, all these things are true. When they told me to closely observe Bittu and see that he was suffering because he belonged in the sky. I was really affected by this and maybe somewhere within, I knew they were right.
So, it's been a month and I've been on and off about freeing him. Every time I think about it, I cry. I know this is all because of my selfishness and obsession with him (I'm crying right now as I'm writing this.) I had made a condition to my father that if Bittu, himself, manages to escape then I won't stop him. The cage currently isn't in its good state anymore and many of the small segments of the walls are missing. Still, Bittu hasn't bothered to try to escape. My parents refuse on fixing the thing because, they're testing him (the cage won't hurt him, don't worry.)
There was this one incident where we'd been visited by a flock of wild Ringnecks, as we often get during summers and autumns. This particular female had some frequent exchanged between Bittu and herself, every time she'd visit. On that day, I don't remember quite clearly, but one of the parrots and managed to land on his cage. I heard a loud scream (one which they make when they're angry) from my Bittu and startled, I'd gone to see. I saw Bittu aggressively lashing out at the toes of the other bird. Then I immediately brought him indoors.
Anyways, as for the freeing part, I only tell myself the good things because I know how many nights I've spent crying over the agony of letting my baby go. I always remember how my baby bird was there to hear me cry even if he didn't understand what was going on and how he would sleep soundly by my bedside whenever I slept alone, without my sister. Now if he's gone, I'll be left to my loneliness. I know this is merely my selfishness, but I just can't help but cry.
I know that deep inside, Bittu yearns for his freedom. If he was born a free spirit, he should die a free spirit, right?
Anyways, digressing towards the more informational aspects, Indian Ringnecks are native to Mumbai and that's where Bittu's from. The place where we relocated, isn't very far from the place we'd initially found him. My mother says that perhaps he'll be accepted into the flock that visits us often. And since he's wild he'll eventually learn his ways again. But, sometimes, when she really can't believe that I'm letting him go (more like, she doesn't want to let him go herself, but she doesn't admit it.), she asks me what will happen if he wants to pet and kissed again. I never express anything but, in secret, I cry the most about this. I'm sure he won't be needing me once he's out there but...what if he does? What if he can't find me again? What if he gets hurt? These things have been tormenting me and haunting me. I really don't know what to do. My father has informed me that 21st January 2018 will be the day I free him because it will mark our 2 year anniversary. I'm becoming grief-stricken as each day goes by. Whenever I see him, I feel like truly freeing him but when I'm left to my own thoughts, all the other uncertainties and fond memories leave me broken and in a pool of tears.
If you've stayed with me this far, I don't really know how I could ever thank you for hearing me out when no one else could. I simply request for some advice anyone is willing to give, to alleviate my worries and pain. I don't think I have much of a choice about freeing him but whatever you have to say, would be very much appreciated.
Thank you so so much.

DM

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